How journeydance found me
Early in 2022, I began researching yoga retreats. I needed to get away, somewhere that would allow me space to process and heal. My beloved mom was entering the final stages of dementia. Losing her in this way was the hardest thing I had ever faced. She was the only person left on earth who had known me my whole life and was one of my dearest friends and confidants. Caring for her as we navigated her disease was vital, but it was taking a toll on my own physical and mental health. I required nourishment so I could fully be there for her in the final phase of her physical life.
I had practiced yoga for many years but had never been on a yoga retreat. A week of yoga and time in nature could be the balm I was seeking. I did a lot of googling, various yoga retreats in Mexico and the U.S. but kept getting drawn back to a place called Kripalu. I had some vague awareness of it – remembering that one of my college friends had gone there long ago – but I mostly felt a force prodding me to go. There was an event called “YogaDance” on the schedule: every day at noon. Although I have always loved dance, it honestly looked a little hokey from the pictures. I didn’t realize what a profound impact the YogaDance classes would ultimately have on my life.
My week at Kripalu was deeply healing. I discovered that I actually liked meditation! Who knew? Each meal felt nourishing to every tissue in my body. I explored the outdoors including a new concept to me of forest bathing and tried stand-up paddle boarding. My first ever labyrinth experience was revelatory – where I saw how my surface-level frustrations and irritations as I supported my mom, were really covering a much deeper grief. I peeled the onion. I talked very little and slowed down. The abundant silence throughout my experience perhaps allowed me to connect even more with the music during my YogaDance explorations.
YogaDance at Kripalu includes several different dance types, such as Shake Your Soul and JourneyDance. I LOVED all of it! The JourneyDance classes were powerful. I had danced for much of my life exploring all kinds of styles, but never had I experienced the profound healing and transformation that dance can provide. In my first fire ceremony, I realized how much fear I was holding inside. Fear of losing my mom, fear that I wasn’t providing her with enough support, fear of all sorts of potential failures, fear of uncertainty. Of course, a single fire ritual didn’t allow me to release all this fear, but it allowed me to see how much I was carrying and to let go of some of it. Another dance included a ritual in which we connected with our inner wise woman. I’ve never been able to visualize easily, but I was in such a deep hypnotic state that I saw her clearly. I felt cracked open. I had to bring this type of dance into my life.
Since the classes at Kripalu are just called “YogaDance”, it took me a few months to figure out that the most impactful ones were a style called JourneyDance. I also discovered there was no one anywhere nearby offering JourneyDance classes. After a few online classes with Toni, the creator of JourneyDance, it was clear that this modality was for me. The following summer, I went back to Kripalu to embark on teacher training.
I have been teaching JourneyDance for over two years now. It’s amazing to consider all the ways it has changed my life – especially the people I have met both through my teacher training and through my teaching. Beautiful friendships have been blooming. It’s also what opened me to exploring sound healing, which has been another direction I couldn’t have foreseen just a few years ago.
Sometimes it’s painful to think about how the most devastating period in my life later brought such immense joy and connection, that the seeds of this new path were planted in the dirt of grief. Yet, I’m aware that life tends to be that way. We can simultaneously hold much sadness, trauma, and pain while containing the capacity for abundant joy, unconditional love, and creativity.
As I look to the future, I don’t know what will unfold. I hold an openness to possibility, a spirit of curiosity and adventure, and a cultivation of love and compassion. Midlife can be a time of transition; I’m planning to keep my eyes, ears, and arms open to embrace and delight in new potentialities.